When I think of the now, I feel like I am going thru the motions of daily life without goals, or productivity. Goals, or productivity seem to be a void now that I have more time to dedicate. I do not know what interest or direction to follow.
This morning I was pondering my concern over prior interests being left behind, discarded. Why? Then this afternoon I drew the 8 of Cups tarot card which signifies: going on alone, walking away from past hopes, start over, acceptance of an ending, truth of the situation must be faced, no way to go except to let go.
You see, I was widowed almost 3 years ago. I downsized to a sweet little home for one. And I acknowledge I experience lonesomeness at times. However, I have freedom, liberation and self sufficiency for which I am THANKFUL. But my mind hasn’t fully accepted the new situation. My mind rehearses the past, and out of what I had accepted as a prior nice life, thoughts comes to the surface that are unhappy moments, and “what ifs?”
It is time for me to take the ‘tarot 8 of cups’ solo journey of leaving my past behind and according to Joan Bunning LEARNING THE TAROT “the future cannot be manipulated; we go empty handed into the unknown.”
My morning meditations include a request for my Higher Self to make KNOWN / to HONOR / to EXPRESS / and to UTILIZE THE GIFT OF TIME in order to honor the contracts/agreements that I have make with the Light, Love, Power and Presence of Divinity/Source, my I AM Being.
Enough with the “what ifs.” This is where I am and I am putting one foot in front of the other on the journey. NOW is my gift of time to go forward with study and reflection to determine what contracts and/or agreements of my I AM Being that I can realize and manifest. Sharing my journey on this blog maybe one use of my gift of time.
It would be so much easier if I could just experience Kundalini or whatever and have a gift of undeniable magnitude to share with mankind.